{"id":420,"date":"2019-10-28T08:55:24","date_gmt":"2019-10-28T08:55:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/marereport.namma.org\/?p=420"},"modified":"2023-11-16T19:39:15","modified_gmt":"2023-11-16T19:39:15","slug":"promises","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marereport.namma.org\/index.php\/2019\/10\/28\/promises\/","title":{"rendered":"Promises"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Photo: <\/em>Ship Portrait: Challenge Phoenix. Louis Vest. Flickr.<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By <\/em> Rev. Mark Lawson-Jones, Port Chaplain \u2013 South Wales, Mission to Seafarers <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2019That\u2019s Life\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually we discover that people will let us down, they will promise things they won\u2019t deliver. You might be thinking this is a rather pessimistic way to start an article, you might be right. I suppose it\u2019s important to be a realist in all things, it helps to guard yourself against some of the \u2018difficult to manage\u2019 things in life. The older I get, the more aware I am of what I\u2019ve learned, and the cost of that knowledge. I can see how some things have been painful in life, and with a degree of regret I can see how I\u2019ve also caused upset to others along the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Driving between ports in South Wales, doing my job as a chaplain for the Mission to Seafarers, I get quite some time to reflect on the interactions I have with seafarers. Of course, there are the practical reflections about how I\u2019m going to ensure I have the right information, a good schedule and resources to help them. I can\u2019t help thinking about responses they give me in everyday situations and how beyond cultural differences, I feel that wherever you might call home, whatever religion or culture you have and what you value in life, there are some global truths which speak to all of us.  One of those truths is that when people break promises it\u2019s painful. My journey to this rather depressing destination started when I visited a ship in one of the ports in South Wales. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second engineer of a vessel was\nsigning off at the next port, when we started to talk, I could see that he was\nanxious. \u201cWhat can I do to help?\u201d I asked. He eventually told me that he had\nbeen unable to purchase a present for his young son and wife. He was concerned\nthat they might both believe he didn\u2019t care about them, he had been away for\nnearly a year. Taking home a gift meant more than the mere gift itself, it was\na physical sign that he had been thinking of them. This contract had been\ndifficult, the speed of discharging and loading the vessel meant that he hadn\u2019t\nbeen ashore for two months, even though he had been told it wouldn\u2019t be\ndifficult to enjoy lots of shore leave. For him, like many crew, the reality\nhad proved to be different to the promises. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the small and untidy ship\u2019s office,\nsurrounded by dozens of folders containing the necessary documents and a ten\nyear old desktop computer, bolted to the desk to stop it from falling off and\nsmashing to pieces on one of the more choppy voyages, a conversation began\nwhich lasted around half an hour. The details of this aren\u2019t important, it\nconsisted of two people trying to work out what sort of gifts would be\nrequired. I didn\u2019t know what his family might like, and my new seafarer friend needed\nto be completely satisfied that the gifts wouldn\u2019t seem like an afterthought, a\nhastily purchased token like flowers from a petrol station wouldn\u2019t work for\nhim nor them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said \u201cI\u2019ll be back before you sail\u201d.\nHe offered me money for the gifts he wished me to buy. I didn\u2019t understand the relevance\nof this at the time, however I understand now. \nHe didn\u2019t believe I\u2019d return, he thought I\u2019d let him down, so if he gave\nme money there was a better chance I wouldn\u2019t forget him, and return with the gifts.\nTo me, it seemed more sensible to give him a receipt on my return, then he\ncould pay the correct amount. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I returned to the ship, without\nwords, I was ushered into the ship\u2019s office. The seafarer took the presents\nfrom me and inspected each item closely. He looked me in the eye and thanked\nme. The sort of \u2018thank you\u2019 that really made you feel as though something good\nhad been transacted, a \u2018thank you\u2019, not just offered as good manners, one which\nprecedes an exclamation mark, not a period or a comma. I don\u2019t think he\nbelieved I\u2019d keep my promise and return. Leaving the ship, the noise of the\nmachinery was deafening, the dust seemed to dance in the wind. The steel-grey\nsky would keep its\u2019 promise of bringing a torrential downpour upon the\nindustrial landscape devoid of all life, greenery and brightness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keeping promises is incredibly\nimportant because it takes a lot of energy to deal with being \u2018let down\u2019, most\nof us have no useful tools for helping us deal with broken promises, more\nimportantly when it happens to us, we just file it away in the bin which just\nmakes life in general seem a little less satisfying. Our insights into humanity\nare what help us deal with life when it is challenging, if all we can think of\nare bad examples, then it is difficult to rise above new challenges that come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do we explain the disappointment\nof someone \u2018forgetting\u2019 a promise made to us? I remember telling my own\nchildren that \u2018people are awful sometimes\u2019 in a desperate attempt not to slip into\nthe mistake of saying \u2018trust no one\u2019. It is no surprise that people of faith are\nnaturally drawn to the promises of God, even though sometimes it takes some\ntheological gymnastics to explain why bad things still happen. Who wouldn\u2019t\nwant God to be faithful, unchanging, unresting, one who keeps promises made? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we propose to work in a therapeutic\nwelfare role as part of a faith-based organisation, then this is the standard.\nOur faithfulness to those we serve is evidence of our faith. This faithfulness\nmeans that we must have a good memory to keep the promises we make. Mistakes\nwill be made, we all make them and sometimes we just forget. Sometimes, life\novertakes us and we merely become unable to take that trip, make that call or find\ntime to meet the commitments we have made. The more we try to help, the more we\nrisk letting people down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Promises made to seafarers are especially\nimportant because few enjoy any degree of certainty in their jobs. Many will\nnot know exactly when their contract will actually finish and when they can\nreturn home, they don\u2019t know where their next port will be or when they will\narrive. Others will not know when they can speak with loved ones again because\nWi-Fi is rarely available. Some won\u2019t even know when they will be able to leave\nthe ship for some shore-leave. To have someone make a promise and keep it is\nspecial and life-giving for seafarers. In a changing world, chaplains and ship\nwelfare visitors need to be an anchor, a fixed point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

International seafarers seem to have an\nacute sense of whether they can trust a person they are speaking with. Sadly, this\nis almost certainly due to the times they have been let down, the hours\nreflecting on the lack of certainties in their lives. It must seem that they are\nspectators in life, with little ability to change the realities of their lived\nexperience. If your wellbeing isn\u2019t dependent on the promises of others you are\nblessed indeed, I don\u2019t know of anyone who can honestly say this is the case.\nWe all need to rely on others in some way or another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope and pray the seafarer\u2019s family\nenjoyed the gifts; I would like to think they had a wonderful time together\nbefore the he went to sea again. I will never know; it is just part of the work\nfor chaplains and ship welfare visitors. We should be content that it is enough\nto step into the reality of a seafarer\u2019s life, to serve, to be a point of\ncertainty, in this sometimes difficult and sad world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a saying, which goes\nsomething like \u2018Don’t\never promise more than you can deliver, but always deliver more than you\npromise\u2019.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Photo: Ship Portrait: Challenge Phoenix. Louis Vest. Flickr. By Rev. Mark Lawson-Jones, Port Chaplain \u2013 South Wales, Mission to Seafarers \u2019That\u2019s Life\u2019 Eventually we discover that people will let us down, they will promise things they won\u2019t deliver. You might […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":2281,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,1],"tags":[228,227,226,60,229],"class_list":["post-420","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chaplaincy","category-uncategorized","tag-gift","tag-port-ministry","tag-promises","tag-seafarer","tag-wales"],"yoast_head":"\nPromises - The MARE Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Rev. 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